You did it with my mom!
by Queen2
Summary: Draco makes a unfortunate discovery about Narcissa's new toy boy. Poor Draco, he never saw what was coming. Please read and review! Thank you!
1. Default Chapter

Author: Queen2  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing, only my own idea.  
  
Title: You did it with my mom!  
  
Rating: 13-PG, but you can be younger if you not super-sensitive.  
  
Summary: Draco makes an unfortunate revelation about his mother's new "Boy Toy" and gets great grief over it, heh heh. Appearances by Lucius and Harry. Humours ficlet.  
  
Author's note: This is just a short and I hope to god humours ficlet. Hope you all enjoy it and please do feel free to read anything else by me! Nothing like advertising. Tell you friends! :D  
  
--  
  
You did it with my mom!  
  
Draco stood staring at the calm cool and composed vision of his beloved mother as she looked back at him.  
  
"What?"  
  
"'What?'! What you say! Are you out of your mind!" shrieked the horrified blonde boy "Have you completely lost it!"  
  
Narcissa sat coolly and frowned at her son's outburst "Honey, that is no tone to take with your mother"  
  
"You're corrupting the youth!" Draco put his hand to his forehead feeling it furtively "Oh god I can hear it now 'Aristocrat mom finds her inner child, in the form of 16 year old boy'!"  
  
"Draco, like you haven't been living the high life, what am I meant to do? Smash a bottle on the side of your head and say 'good luck to all who sail within her'?"  
  
Draco just looked back at his mother dumbly "I am not a boat! And I do not go around corrupting the youth!"  
  
"No honey, you are the youth that is to be corrupted, Duh"  
  
". . . What?!"  
  
Narcissa smiled showing the silver stud that now adorned her small pink tongue.  
  
Draco was on her in an instant.  
  
"And what is this?!" He cried grabbing her jaw and turned her to face the window.  
  
"Oh get off! Its all the fashion downtown" Narcissa wormed away from him and shot him a withering look.  
  
"'Down town'?"  
  
"Yeah, we have great fun down there" Narcissa smiled dreamily and spun around on the piano chair, the wheels grating on the wooden floor.  
  
A choked sound came out as Draco watched and tried , in vain, to comprehend what he was seeing.  
  
"And, look at you! What have you done to yourself?" he cried looking at the low cut red, black and green dress she wore that hung in slashed strands just below her middle thigh, long black velvet boots adorned her legs, her brown-blond hair had been remodelled into a shorter sharper style spiked at the ends, black sunglasses were perched on her head.  
  
"I've made myself feel good!" shot back Narcissa.  
  
Dracos eyes widened in horror as his mother reached up to put a piece of spiked hair in place "What! What is that!" He choked grabbing her arm and looking in unabashed horror at the large rose tattoo with a snake entwined around it.  
  
Narcissa rolled her eyes and snatched her arm away from him "Nothing!"  
  
"Mom! I saw it!"  
  
"Saw what?"  
  
"Mom!"  
  
"Yeah hun?"  
  
"Argh!"  
  
"Tell me you didn't get anything pierced, please, just nothing pierced" pleaded Draco desperately searching his mother's form for any sign of a piercing "I mean besides that thing in your mouth, urgh"  
  
Narcissa twirled on her seat swinging her legs and laughed at her crazed son "What? You never made out with someone with a tongue ring?"  
  
"Mom!"  
  
"Its really cool, you should try it sometime, its like this little ball thing massaging your mouth and its such a turn-"  
  
"Stop!"  
  
"On, Draco honey, you need to get out more I mean, I have never seen you get off with a girl"  
  
Draco looked at her in complete horror as his straight aristocratic mother talked to him about his sex life.  
  
"Mom, please, ill pay you to stop" he groaned sinking in despair onto the floor.  
  
"But I haven't! Let me tell you something though, girls love when you do this" Leaning forward Narcissa poked out her tongue and flicked it around. At which point the door opened and Lucius Malfoy strolled in.  
  
"Mom!" cried Draco, made a dive for her and quickly clamped his hand around his mother mouth and tongue.  
  
"Hello Nar, Draco" smiled Lucius and went and got himself a drink from the decanter on the sideboard.  
  
"Eww!" cried Draco suddenly jumped back from his mother looking at his hand in disgust where Narcissa had just spat on.  
  
"Hmm?" Asked Lucius not looking up.  
  
Grinning Narcissa stuck her tongue out at Draco before twirling to face Lucius.  
  
"Lucius, honey, Draco has a problem pulling girls".  
  
"Oh god" cried Draco turning to the surprised look of his father.  
  
"Oh. . . Well Draco. . . you know. . . that's not. . . um. . . what?" stammered Lucius looking at Narcissa only seeing her for the first time.  
  
"Draco-has-a-problem-pulling-girls" spelt out Narcissa, the silver stud in her mouth glinting.  
  
"Nar, what's that in your mouth?  
  
Narcissa shut her mouth smartly and smiled up at her husband "Nothing" she muttered between her teeth.  
  
"Mom pierced her tongue!" shouted Draco from his side of the room pointing frantically at Narcissa in case his father had any trouble in locating her.  
  
Lucius blinked, shook her head and blinked again.  
  
"Yeah yeah, but honey, our boy can't pull a girl!" insisted Narcissa.  
  
"Hey!" cried Draco.  
  
"Nar, am sure he can" seeing her expression he added "very successfully am sure, but darling, are you. . .em . . . ok?"  
  
"Oh! Am fine!. . . Maybe he doesn't like girls"  
  
Dracos eyebrows shot up, quickly followed by Lucius'  
  
Turning her to her distraught son Narcissa smiled kindly at him "Drac, are you gay?"  
  
"Dad please! Make her stop!"  
  
"No no, id like to hear the answer to this" Lucius looked expectantly at his son.  
  
"Mom. . .am . . . jeez, no one else had to do this with their parents!"  
  
"Are you gay Draco honey? Do you like boys?" asked Narcissa in what she must have thought was a kind manner, and it would have been if Lucius wasn't waiting for his son's reaction like a hawk.  
  
"Are you gay Draco? persisted his mother "Is that why you don't make out with girls? "Dad make her stop!" pleaded Draco.  
  
"Answer your mother son" said Lucius taking a deep drink from his glass of brandy.  
  
"No!"  
  
"No you're not gay?"  
  
"No am not gonna answer!"  
  
"I think he's in denial Lu" sighed Narcissa demurely looking up at Lucius.  
  
"Draco, answer your mothers question" instructed Lucius firmly gulping down the rest of his drink and hastily pouring himself some more.  
  
"Mom has a tattoo!"  
  
"Liar! Am gonna kill you punk!" shrieked Narcissa holding her arm protectively.  
  
"What?" cried Draco.  
  
"Answer the question draco" his father ordered from the inside of yet another glass of brandy.  
  
"She called me a punk!"  
  
"He said you wouldn't understand! Any of you!" screamed Narcissa.  
  
"He?" asked Lucius? "He!" shouted Draco pointing at his mother.  
  
"Shut up!" screamed Narcissa.  
  
"Damn it Draco answer your mothers question!" shouted Lucius over the melee.  
  
"No!"  
  
"I also pierced my bellybutton you gonna tell him that too!" yelled Narcissa.  
  
"What?" exclaimed Draco.  
  
"What?" asked Lucius looking at her.  
  
"I hate you all!"  
  
"Mom, you acting like a 13 year old!" shouted Draco.  
  
"So?" pouted Narcissa sticking her tongue out at him "He makes me feel young again"  
  
"This young!" snapped Draco.  
  
"Damn it boy answer your mothers damn question are you gay!" shouted Lucius over his wives random cries of insults.  
  
"You'll never be a man like he is!" screamed Narcissa  
  
"He's not a man!" shouted back Draco "You said yourself he's your boy toy!"  
  
"What" asked Lucius his attention snapping to Narcissa.  
  
Seizing his chance Draco pointed at his mother struck a dramatic pose and hoped with all his heart this would stop his fathers damn questions!  
  
"She's having an affair with a guy who's my age!"  
  
"Ill kill you!" screamed Narcissa launching herself at her son while Lucius ran to stop and trottle her at the same time.  
  
At that moment a slight dark haired boy entered the room timidly.  
  
"Hi, excuse me, is Narcissa here?" he asked smiling at the scene before him, Draco lay on floor in the act of screaming, his mothers hands were inches from his neck while she was being held back by her husband who had just been kneed in the groin.  
  
"Harry? Potter!" roared Draco scrambling off the floor and staring at him in horror and rage.  
  
"Hey, Um, Draco" smiled Harry waving uncertainly.  
  
"What" asked Lucius dumbly.  
  
"Honey!" cried Narcissa delightedly pushing her son out of the way as she ran over and kissed the dark haired boy.  
  
"Nooooo" moaned Draco shaking his head in horror.  
  
"What" asked Lucius dumbly.  
  
"Bye now!" smiled Narcissa from the doorway, Harry's got a motorbike with him! Can you imagine!" she giggled and in a stage whisper hissed "by the way, he's a demon in the sack" laughing she dashed out after Harry leaving a gaping and gagging Draco and a frozen Lucius who could only choke out "What".  
  
Draco jumped up ran to the window where he could see the two of them mounting a black motorbike and throughing himself at it and banging the panes with his fist roared down at Harry's startled face "You did it with my mom! You wanker! Ill kill you!"  
  
Behind him Lucius could only manage to choke out "What".  
  
-- Thanks for reading! Please review!  
  
Yours, Q. 


	2. Girls just want to have fun

Author: Queen2  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing here! Merely my own idea.  
  
Title: Girls just want to have fun.  
  
Rating: PG-13. . . unless your super sensitive, which I don't think a lot of you fine people are, lol.  
  
Summary: Draco and Lucius go out for the night to calm down after the trauma of earlier and strange and odd thing begin to happen. Poor Malfoy's, they never saw it coming.  
  
A/N: Thank you all so much for your reviews! I was trilled to get them! Good on you all for reviewing! This is the next chapter in the saga, I don't think there's going too much more so enjoy it while you can. And please do read anything else by me, chances are it might possible maybe be good. Lol. Don't forget to tell your friends! Lol. Any suggestions are always welcome.  
  
-- --  
  
Girls just want to have fun  
  
-- --  
  
Prologue  
  
After the horrors of earlier Draco and his father decide they need to get out of the house for a while. A new hip club has been opened down town called "Malaboobs" which they decide to check out in the hopes of some cheap sport, and for Lucius to subtly try and see if his son is in fact gay.  
  
Draco blinked dizzily as he entered the flickering club, tiny figures on the ceiling seemed to be zooming around, each lit a floresant colour of blue, green, red, and yellow.  
  
"Whoa" he muttered staggering back only to be caught on the tips of his father's fingers and pushed firmly forward.  
  
"Oh no, we're going to the club Drac, look I'll get you a lap dance will I?" asked Lucius in what he hoped was a subtle father-son manner.  
  
"Argh! Dad get off get off!" yelled his son who was on tender-hooks as it was and jumped out of his fathers grasp.  
  
"What? A young boy like you should. . . ah. . . want a lap dance" stammered Lucius.  
  
"No!"  
  
"Is this your way of saying your gay?!" cried Lucius grabbing Draco by his shoulders and shaking him hard.  
  
"No!"  
  
"I blame your mother for this," growled Lucius.  
  
"I blame both of you! It's a wonder am normal at all!" shrieked draco in despair.  
  
"Please, Draco, you're the most high-strung kid I'v ever seen, iv seen kids of pep-pills with more stand-still then you" scoffed Lucius ". . . is it because your trying to tell us something?"  
  
"No! Am 'high-strung' because my mother turned into a hooker with a guy my age! And you think am gay!"  
  
Bending to meet his son's gaze and smiling in what he only could hope was an endearing fatherly way Lucius gripped Draco's shoulder in his "fatherly" manner and squeezed "Am I right though Drac? Am I right?"  
  
"No!"  
  
On stage the band for the night came out "Hello everyone! We are The Darkness!" they crowed. Bare chests and cat suits a go-go.  
  
"Oh god" groaned Lucius "If he wasn't gay before, he sure as hell will be now".  
  
"Hey cool" laughed Draco as the band started into their first song.  
  
"Argh!" cried Lucius and frantically grabbed his son's head shoving it in the direction of the nearest stripper "Look at her Drac! Isn't she lovely!"  
  
"Dad!"  
  
"Are we straight yet?"  
  
"Am sorry ma'am, Dad stop! She's with her boyfriend!" cried Draco as the girl in question gave them both a look and sauntered off.  
  
"Damn" muttered Lucius taking his distraught son under his arm firmly "well, plenty more fish in the sea eh?"  
  
"Oh just kill me now, please! Groaned Draco as he was dragged after his father.  
  
A loud beat of drums suddenly started up and someone yelled out "table dancing!" everyone suddenly launched themselves onto the rickety little table and began dancing scandalizing with each other.  
  
"Whoa" breathed Draco looking up at the legs, thighs and asses that now faced him.  
  
"Shit" muttered Lucius as a guy in tight leather trousers danced provocatively in front of Draco's face "C'mere!" he snapped making a grab for the fascinated Draco's arm and pulling him away.  
  
"Here, drink this," ordered Lucius sternly shoving a large pink drink that seemed to sparkle into Draco's hand.  
  
"Dad, this is a Malabookaza," said Draco looking dubiously at the drink in his hand.  
  
"And that my boy is exactly why we're gonna drink it!" grinned Lucius widely.  
  
"So I can get drunk?"  
  
"Very drunk" grinned Lucius "If your drunk I can finally get this damn answer out of you!"  
  
"Dad!"  
  
"Drink!"  
  
"No! this stuff will kill me!"  
  
"Ill kill you if your not careful!"  
  
"No!"  
  
"Avada . . "  
  
"Ok ok!" cried the nervous wreck of a boy "You know no other parent makes their kids do this"  
  
"And that is why I am so damn cool, yeaaahhh" grinned Lucius already half way through his drink.  
  
Sighing Draco took a deep drink and immediately the world began to spin.  
  
"And it keeps on spinnin' but thell me? What shappned when it shtops?!" laughed Draco hysterically as he swung his slender body around the pole in the middle of the room.  
  
"Hey fairy-boy! Don't go to far from home!" laughed Luciys as he was quite literally hauled up on the dancing tables by a girl in a bikini to do the "Malaboobs Tango" with her.  
  
Grinning manically and hiccupping every so often Draco made an attempt to scramble up on the table and join his father, except his limbs had turned to jelly and he promptly slide back down with a plop and lay on his back laughing.  
  
"Hey kid, c'mon" called one of the bodies of which he could only see their bottom halves from the table as they extended a hand to help him up. "Hhahahaha. . .Thanksssss dude" grinned Draco with a friendly peace sign as he was hauled up onto the table to dance too.  
  
"Hey no problem kid, my guys about the same age as you so he knows what its like" the voice shouted over the music and the grinding that was going on top of the tables.  
  
Blearily Draco looked up at the woman who had helped him up, her voice was oddly familiar.  
  
Before was the figure of his mother, his calm, cool, collected mother the skimpy dress, except this time she seemed to have lost her boot somewhere along the way, smiling she turned to him "Hi, am Nar whats you name stud?"  
  
"Mom!" shrieked Draco, everything he'd drank suddenly just came rushing to the surface as he choked and stumbled.  
  
"Oh my god! Draco! What the hell are you doing here!" screamed Narcissa in horror.  
  
"You called me stud! Ewwwwww!!!" cried Draco his head spinning and his mind reeling.  
  
"Oh my god! This is so embarrassing! If Harry sees this I am never gonna live it down!" cried Narcissa frantically.  
  
"Oh my god! Is that a hickey!?" yelled Draco trying, foggily to grab his mothers neck where large purple love-bite marred her pretty skin.  
  
"Get off! Oh my god! Eww go away!" screamed Narcissa batting frantically at Draco's hands as he made an attempt to cling onto her on the shaky table.  
  
"Hey Nar, what's up, man its hard getting back over here" panted a devilishly good-looking Harry as he reappeared at her side.  
  
"You wanker! I'll kill you!" shouted Draco as he toppled backwards grabbing at his mother skirt in a desperate attempt to save himself.  
  
"Malfoy?"  
  
"Piss of punk!" yelled Narcissa grabbing her skirt back, only to hear a loud ripping sound and a sharp "thunk" followed by a "ow!"  
  
Draco lay on the hard floor holding the bottom part of his mothers skirt staring blindly at the ceiling, he was completely out cold.  
  
On the table Narcissa let out a howl of rage as her brand new dress was torn from her leaving her in only the top half, and the black see-through slip she wore.  
  
"Wow" breathed Harry behind his steamed up glasses.  
  
"Hey! The kids out cold! He needs doctor!" cried someone.  
  
"Everyone back! I know CPR!" cried Harry rushing over to Draco.  
  
Behind him Narcissa let out huge angry sobs over the loss of her beautiful new dress.  
  
Bending over the still form of Draco Harry pressed his lips to the boys and breathed into him.  
  
At which point Lucius arrived on the scene stopped in mid-step and stared in horror at his son on the ground eyes closed in rapture as the Potter boy made out with him.  
  
"I knew he was gay!" roared Lucius.  
  
Behind him Narcissa, half naked, minus a boot with a new skull tattoo on her stomach cried angrily into the remains of her dress.  
  
On the floor, deep in his subconscious Draco smiled and though "Mmmmm, this feel really nice".  
  
--  
  
Thank you, I think there'll be more, but please do review! Thank you all! P.S Any spelling mistakes in Draco's little speech were purely on purpose. Lol. Enjoy.  
  
Your, Q. 


End file.
